I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
