the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
