ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
