A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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