when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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