She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
