Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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