so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
