The maid of honor just puked.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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