you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
