Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
