The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
