belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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