It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
