whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I deserve this hangover.
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