How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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