she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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