Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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