On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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