I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
