my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
