Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
