dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
