dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
