Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
