i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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