So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
