i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
pray to the hookup gods
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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