9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
