google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
