Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
