I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
