Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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