maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
