What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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