Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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