Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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