I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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