Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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