I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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