She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
