i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
