I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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