Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
