Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
