we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
