he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
