why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
