11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
