My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
