Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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