K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
