Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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